Charlotte Kersten

My full Economy of Blessings playlist is like six hours long and I will not burden you with it in its entirety, but I thought I’d talk about some of my favorite songs that are included in it. Spoilers for the series follow.

“Just So” by Agnes Obel

“So so and no more
That’s all to be sorry for.”

This is my Iraluri song. Agnes Obel wrote this song about her dad’s struggle with depression, and it really captures the feeling of slowly awakening out of a period of darkness and tentatively working for something better. It has such a sweet, gentle, hopeful feel to it, which I think very much suits the core of who Iraluri is underneath all of her pain and inner chaos. 

“Cassandra” by Emmy the Great

“And daily, you saw it come
And you gave warning, but couldn’t run
And so you watched until it was broken
And knew that foresight delays no motion.”

This is my Ser song. I think it’s about Cassandra from Greek mythology, who possessed the power of prophecy but was cursed to never be believed – I see Ser as someone who has so much clarity about the state of a world that silences voices of dissent like hers. She also sees Iraluri’s marriage for what it is and sees her own parents’ relationship collapse; despite how clear these things are to her, she can only say what she knows to be true and watch what unfolds. 

“Spiralling” by Keane

“But every time I reach for you, you slip through my fingers
Into cold sunlight, laughing at the things that I had planned
The map of my world gets smaller as I sit here
Pulling at the loose threads now.”

This is my Harlan song. The narrator of the song is an endlessly dissatisfied person whose grandiose expectations and need for control constantly let him down and leave him…well, spiralling. There’s a kind of persecution complex to parts of it – he clearly feels victimized and betrayed by the person who defies him by refusing to be shaped/controlled by him the way he wants them to be. Hopefully my interpretation isn’t insulting to Keane!

“Newspaper” by Fiona Apple

“I wonder what lies he’s telling you about me
To make sure that we’ll never be friends.”

But they do become friends, because this is my Aurore song!!! This song does an amazing job of capturing the exact feeling of helplessness and fury that you feel seeing your abuser enter a new relationship; the terror for the next partner mixed with this sick kind of certainty that the cycle is going to repeat and their manipulations have made any interventions on your part totally futile. It pretty much exactly describes Harlan’s character assassination of Aurore and how Aurore must have felt about Iraluri before they met- and then how both women feel about Lyla Purcell later in the story. 

“Chatroom” by Charly Bliss

“I’m not gonna take you home
I’m not gonna save you, no.”

This is my favorite song right now! Eva Hendricks wrote it about her own sexual assault by an ex-boyfriend, and she describes it as “a colossal ‘fuck you’ and a celebration of reaching the point of a ‘fuck you’ that isn’t diluted by self-blame or apologies.” Through the song, the line “I wanna see you stripped down naked” is repeated over and over again, and that line resonates with me so much. I think it means seeing the person who hurt you for exactly who they are, unclouded by your love or fear or negative feelings about yourself; I think it means getting to a point where they no longer have control over you and how you think. They can’t hurt you anymore. This is what Iraluri strives for, especially in Memory and Curses, and I think that in the final scene between her and Harlan, she absolutely sees him stripped down naked. And isn’t it just the catchiest song ever?

“The Gold is in the Dark” by Cat Pierce

“Rock hard bottom and you’re falling fast
Imagine your future and run from your past
Prisoner in your head, bought and sold
Turn on the way out and look for the gold.”

So this song is totally about a treasure-hunting couple and how things fall apart once they find the treasure, and I’m kind of shocked by how well some lines match up with my story! There are even lines about ghosts and “going above” once they’ve found the treasure.

“For Her” by Fiona Apple

“Like you know you should know but you don’t know what you did
Like you know you should know what happened when I came to bed.”

God, this song is so fucking good. It’s a song for everyone who is sick of the rich, powerful men who get away with their abusive bullshit again and again, leave women to clean up the damage they leave in their wakes, and deny what they’ve done.  I find it incredibly powerful that she simply comes right out and says “You raped me” – it can be a surprisingly hard thing to say. 

“She” by Laura Mvula

“Always taking ten steps back and one step forward
She’s tired but she don’t stop.”

A song about perseverance that makes me feel all heart-swell-y every time I listen to it. The woman in the song is clearly stuck in a destructive cycle and trying her hardest to get out of it in spite of her hopelessness and relapses. A song for this trilogy if there ever was one. 

“We Have it All” by Pim Stones

“And hey, baby, don’t you know?
Diamonds are forever.”

Quite literally it seems to be about a man trying to justify selling his soul to the devil for riches while mourning how his choices destroyed his relationship, but it reminds me a lot of how Harlan exploits and abuses Iraluri in the process of obtaining Solaufein’s treasure. I’d say the song’s narrator seems to have more of a conscience about it than Harlan does, but it resonates for me nonetheless. 

“Soft as Chalk” by Joanna Newsom

“You give love a little shove
And it becomes terror.”

This is a song about what Joanna Newsom calls her lover’s “lawlessness” – how hard she tries to please him (“tell me, honey, did I pass your test? I lay as still as death until the dawn”); how it destroys all sense of right and wrong and normalcy (“there is no treason where there is only lawlessness”);  how it leaves her bewildered and not sure who he is (“calling out who is there? Who is there?”). I think the bit about the “dappled sanatorium” also touches upon the mental health issues that can arise in a relationship like this, and that part reminds me a lot of Iraluri’s stint with Miss Nirossz. 

“The Disappearance of the Girl” by Phildel

“You know, you know he betrays you
Hey yeah, hey yeah
As much, much as he saves you.”
A song about someone who has completely lost her sense of self because of the abuse she is experiencing. The narrator of the song is trying so hard to tell her that what she is experiencing is wrong, and you can truly sense the desperation. This song also happens to feature the phrase “economy of blessings” to describe religion, which is pretty serendipitous.

Bonus songs about which I have a little less to say:
“Goodbye Earl” by The Chicks – the ultimate catharsis for when Harlan got to be too much while I was writing.

“The Curse” by Agnes Obel – mentions of a curse starting underground and blessings and miracles…I don’t really know what this one is actually about, but it hits a lot of buzzwords for me.

“That’s Alright” by Laura Mvula – a song about unapologetic self-love and self-expression in the face of racist judgments and expectations.

“A Pearl” by Mitski – about trying to cope with a new relationship after experiencing trauma. Are you surprised that there’s Mitski on this playlist? 

There, now you can judge my taste in music! As you can see, I don’t have any songs for Solaufein or Immy. 🤔 I’m open to suggestions!